The Laughing Stock
by LovingMyDoctor
Summary: After an accident, Harleen Quinzel is trying to find out who she is. She is no longer engaged and is all alone except for her best friend, Hailey. More due to pity than anything else she is assigned to the most boring patient in all of Gotham, who never once voices a word: The Joker. But maybe all he needed was the right person to talk to. Rated M for language and vioelnce. R&R!
1. The Man Who Laughs

**The Laughing Stock**

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Guys, I'm back and so excited about this new story! Enjoy! WARNING: This chapter is filled with crude jokes and language, if dark humor offends you, you might want to skip the end.

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**Chapter 1**

I sighed turning around and reaching out to him with a smile. When my hand reached into emptiness I remembered.

He was gone.

I sighed again, although not at all peacefully and rolled onto my back. This was something I still had to get used to. Being alone.

_He's not worth it. _This is what my best friend Hailey had told me and I repeated her words in my mind_. __He doesn't deserve you._

Daniel had left two weeks ago, but our relationship had lasted eight years. I couldn't get over eight

years in two weeks.

My phone rang and I reached out to read Hailey's message.

_Good luck today,you are awesome!_

I smiled and sat up. Hailey believed in me, but she was the only one. I had already given up on my

life. When I climbed out of bed I caught my own reflection in the mirror. The scar on my abdomen was barely visible anymore, but I would never forget it. The accident replayed itself over and over in my head daily...

* * *

"_Ah!"_

"_Ma'am! Can you hear me? You were in an accident, I'm a doctor. You're going to be ok."_

_Ok. I repeated this in my mind. Ok, ok, ok..._

"_Pl..."_

"_We're going to take care of you. The ambulance is almost here."_

_But I couldn't breathe. The pain was too intense. I wouldn't survive. _We_ wouldn't survive._

"_Please."_

"_If I pull it out, you'll bleed to death. The ambulance is on it's way. Just hold on, ok?"_

_No. I didn't want to hold on. I knew it then, in that moment. I knew it had all been too good to be __true._

"_I'm pregnant."_

_The man who had come to my rescue stared at the large metal pole stuck in my abdomen. He didn't __need to be a doctor. We both knew what was going on. That the baby I had been looking forward to for four months was no more._

* * *

The phone rang loudly, breaking through my memories. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the images.

"Hello?"

"Hey Baby!" Hailey squealed. This was something she did a lot. "I just wanted to see how you're doin'!"

I sighed, falling onto the bed, "I don't know, if I can do this Hailey."

"Of course you can!" She insisted. "It's just six months, Harleen. And then you'll be finished. You'll be a trained psychiatrist! You've come so far."

"I know."

But I didn't know _why _I had come so far. I had been a master in gymnastics all through my teenage years, had been close to applying for a scholarship, when I'd met Daniel. He was going to be a doctor and he loved me and he said I had potential, I could do more. I could be a psychiatrist.

We had fallen so madly in love and now he was gone.

* * *

"_Daniel?"_

_He'd been crying. I could see how red his eyes were._

"_Harleen." He sighed. "I'm so sorry."_

_I nodded. I knew he was sorry. I knew what he was doing and it may have sounded crazy, but I also knew why he was doing it._

"_When?"_

_He averted his eyes and took a deep breath as if he was in pain._

"_When?!" I demanded to know and my voice became louder. "When do you plan on __leaving me, Daniel?!"_

_The man I had planned my life with and who had been my rock for the past eight years wasn't capable of looking at me when he admitted: "Today."_

_I had to laugh in a non-humorous way and felt tears burning in my eyes, "Today? I'm not even out __of hospital yet and you're bailing on me?!"_

"_I'm not bailing on y-"_

"_No! You're bailing on _us_! On eight years!"_

_He rolled his eyes now with the smallest annoyed smile, "Harleen. You're being dramatic."_

_And I lost it._

"_You are blaming me for something that is not my fault! You're leaving me after all these years...we __were going to get married!"_

_Daniel flinched at my loud voice. He wasn't used to it. Neither was I. It only happened on rare __occasions that I got loud with him. There had never really been any reason._

"_Harleen. None of this has been easy for me, either ok? I–"_

"_Oh it hasn't been easy for you?!" The sarcasm shocked me just as much as him. "I'm sorry. Were __you the one who had a car accident?! Were you the one who lost her baby?! Are you the one who __will never be able to have children?!" I stared at him shaking my head._

"_You're upset. We should talk about this some other time. When you're not so hysterical."_

"_Are you fucking kidding me?!" I screeched, sitting up in the hospital bed. "We will talk about this now!"_

"_I can't be with a woman, who can't give me any children!" He finally exploded. "You know how __important family is to me!"_

"_Just get the hell out, Daniel!"_

_He stood up, palms outstretched towards me. "Harleen. I will not leave. I cannot leave you in this __state by yourself."_

"_Just go!"_

* * *

"I'm just not sure, Hailey." I explained as I buttoned up my blouse, the phone was on speaker. "Everyone knows about what happened. I'm the laughing stock of the facility. I'm a pathetic looser."

"You are not pathetic and you are not a looser!" She snapped. "You will go there with your head held high, do your best work and–"

"What work?" I interrupted, as I pulled my blonde hair up into a bun, "They gave me the one patient who never talks."

"_Get _him to talk!" She sounded impatient. "Or you know...take your journal with you and use the time you have there."

Right, the journal.

Hailey had dialed a wrong number while I'd been in hospital and had ended up talking to me. The two of us had talked for hours. We had gotten along immediately and Hailey had helped me through these past weeks. She had told me to start a journal, to write down all the things I was feeling and to hold on to them. She had encouraged me to create a list of things I wanted to change in my life. And after all I'd been through writing this list was one of the hardest thing I'd had to do.

Change had never come easy for me. I was predictable Harleen Quinzel, 26 years old with a plan for my life. I was going to marry Daniel Richard Kendall and together we were going to have three children. I'd work as a psychiatrist part time and he'd be a full time neuro-surgeon. We'd go on holidays together to the Bahamas and our life would be perfect.

But all of that was over now. It was time for a new plan.

Hailey rarely planed things in her life. She just lived for the moment and over the phone she was trying to teach me the same thing.

"Ok. I'll make the best of it." I checked my reflection one last time, "I need to go now, I'll call you this evening."

"Wait!" She whined, "You haven't told me about last night yet!"

I sighed. This was the last thing I needed. I was going to be too late on my first day.

As if she had read my mind she said: "It's a cell phone Harleen, just take it with you."

"It was ok." I give in. "I told him to leave. I didn't want him to stay over night."

"Those are _so _not the details I am interested in!"

I grabbed my keys and opened the door. "It was just sex, Hailey. Nothing special."

"Harleen, you have so much to learn!"

"What?" I muttered. "It's not like I've never done it before."

"_Making love _to Daniel in the same position for eight years doesn't count."

Her bitter tone made me laugh. "I'll talk to you later, Hailey!"

I hung up and made me way down the stairs. Hailey had encouraged me to have one-night-stands. She had different views about sex than I did. Up until two weeks ago I had never had sex with a man who wasn't my boyfriend. But I was redefining myself.

Starting with this internship at Arkham Asylum.

* * *

"Harleen!" Dr. David Kendall greeted me with a large smile. "There you are!"

"Hi Dr. Kendall."

"Oh please! You can call me David! We're old friends!"

We were. He had almost become my father-in-law after all.

"I'd really rather not, Dr. Kendall."

A smile spread on his old face. His blue eyes reminded me of Daniel and I felt like crying there and then.

"Alright! You're being professional. I like that, Dr. Quinzel." He smiled brightly and winked, ruining all professionalism. He walked ahead and waved his hand at me, so I would follow him.

"As you may already know Arkham Asylum is a very popular facility for internships and you applied very late and it was through my connections..." He noticed that this was a topic I precisely did not want to talk about and hurried on. "Anyway, your patient for the next six months will be the legendary, notorious..._Joker_!"

I sighed deeply. It was just as I had expected. Time to work on my journal. The Joker was a dead-end and everyone knew it, David was just being optimistic as always.

"Now. The Joker was caught by Batman four months ago and brought here. At first most of the staff was fascinated by him. It was such an exciting time! Every day new doctors tried speaking to him, but well...he tried to kill most of them." Dr. Kendall lifted his shoulders in a helpless manner. "One had a pen stuck in his eye, the other was strangled and the third got his head smashed against the table." He paused, loosing track of his story before continuing. "Finally the Joker seemed to have become bored with us. He stopped reacting to any methods about two months ago. But who knows! Maybe you can lure him out his state, Dr. Quinzel. This could be your big break!"

I had always hated his optimism. After Daniel had left he had called me to tell me that at least we could both start over new now. And that I never what was waiting for me. Great things were going to happen!

I smiled. Six months. I could do this. I had gotten so far, Hailey was right.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Oh look! There's Dr. Leland, she's really nice, she's actually friends with Daniel now! Isn't that great?" He grinned.

Dr. Joan Leland. Tall, dark skin, dark hair and a perfect smile.

"You must be Dr. Quinzel!" She came towards me, "It's so nice to finally meet you!"

I shook her hand and looked up at Dr. Kendall. "Finally?"

"Well..." He blushed deeply, "I might have spoken about you."

"And Daniel too!" The young woman added with a smile that made me want to slap her. "He thinks you're amazing!"

Hailey would have smacked her by now. I smiled politely. "Well I should get going, my patient is waiting."

"Ah yes", she smiled knowingly, "The Joker – he who never speaks. Good luck with that!"

"It will be great." Dr. Kendall nodded with large eyes, "A little light work after...well after everything."

_After losing all that had ever mattered to me and being abandoned by your son, _I thought angrily.

"Yes. I'll see you around."

I could have just left right then. Give up on everything. What did it matter, really? I didn't know who I was anyway. But it was probably worth a try. At least one try. I had received instructions in a meeting with the chief of Arkham and he had told me that the Joker was in a special room with only a table for the two of us to sit at. Confidentiality made it necessary for us to be alone, but there were two heavily guarded men outside the door and a button I could press under the table, if I felt threatened. _But_, he had reminded me, _the most interesting thing he __will do is yawn, so don't be nervous._

I was not nervous. But I'd be bored to death with him. I took a deep breath, tried to remember what things had been like before Daniel. How I had been motivated to help people. How things had been easier. How could he just stop loving me like that?

"Dr. Quinzel?"

One of the heavily guarded men stepped towards me and I nodded, showing him my ID-card. He nodded at me and his partner stepped aside to let me through. There were no other words exchanged, which made sense, because what should we have spoken about?

I pushed the heavy door open and there he was. His hair was green. His face pale and the word _damaged_ was tattooed on his forehead and there was a _J_ on his cheek. He was wearing a straight-jacket and looked up at me with piercing blue eyes. There was something in them I couldn't quite explain, something that made me feel pity for him. He looked like he didn't belong here.

"I'm Dr. Quinzel." I said in as I approached the table. "I will be your doctor for the next six months."

Of course he didn't answer. He just glared at me as if he was bored and I sat down opposite him. I unpacked my writing journal from my bag and stared down at the list.

\- have one night stands

\- loose the glasses

\- change hair?

\- paint kitchen

\- start gymnastics again

\- go dancing

\- get a tattoo

I put the list aside and opened a new page.

_Today is the first day of my internship. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. David is being overly_

_nice, his pity makes me sick. I've been _

"What on earth are you doing?!"

I jumped at the surprise of hearing his voice. The way he breathed heavily and pressed the words out of him it sounded like it was very exhausting for him to speak.

"What?" I closed my journal.

"You're my doctor, you're supposed to talk to me!"

"You want to talk?" I asked confused. I had seriously never thought he would say a word. And I hadn't prepared any questions for him.

"Just don't ask me about my childhood." He said coldly. "That's what everyone does."

A strange sort of euphoria rose in me. He was talking to me! He was actually talking! I had to be careful not to upset him. I had to strike a topic he would like.

"Tell me a joke." I said and leaned forward.

I could tell he was confused by my proposal, but he only needed a moment, before a light shone in his eyes and he leaned forward.

"A man called in sick to work." He began with a sly smile. "His boss didn't believe him and called him back, asking,_ how sick are you really?_" The Joker paused for dramatic effect and then delivered the punchline with a straight face. "_I'm in bed fucking my sister_, the man answers,_ is that sick enough for you?_"

And although the joke was so crude and so disgusting I couldn't stop myself from bursting out in loud laughter. I could see the surprise in his eyes, but there was more. Approval was written across his face clearly as he smiled at me.

"Your turn." He said with a smile. I had read his file, I knew all the crimes he had committed, but this smile made my heart flutter in my chest. I wanted to do this right, I wanted to prove myself to him, to Daniel and to all of Arkham. Honestly I wasn't very good with jokes, but as a med-student there had been one that usually got a few laughs.

"Julius Ceasar walks into a bar and says _I'll have a Martinus._ The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, _don't you mean a Martini?"_ I paused. "_Look_, Ceasar replies, _if I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it._"

The Joker cracks a smile. "Clever." He says. "Now tell me a dirty one."

I rolled my eyes. "No. It's your turn."

Again, surprise flickered in his blue eyes but he wasn't angry at my refusal.

"Hitler arrives in hell and the bartender asks him, _what did you do?_ He replies, _I killed 8 million Jews and three clowns_." I pressed my lips together because I wasn't that comfortable with this kind of humor, but for my patient I decided to go with it. "The bartender asks, _why three clowns?_ And Hitler says, _see no one cares about the Jews! Why am I even here?_"

It's the way he told these jokes and his laughter that made me laugh too. The Holocaust was no joke to me, but I couldn't help laughing.

"Your turn." He flashed me that smile again, the smile that made me forget about the fluorescent lighting and the straight-jacket he is currently wearing. "Make it dirty."

I was suddenly very conscious of my appearance, the blouse, the ponytail, the glasses...and wished I had approached this situation differently.

"What's the difference between being hungry and being horny?" I knew how vital this first meeting was and kept my eyes locked with his.

"What?" He asked, leaning forward.

"Where you stick the cucumber."

The Joker burst out in laughter and I knew he had a signature laugh, but this wasn't it. This was actual, genuine laughter at this crude joke and I couldn't help but smile because I had managed to make him laugh and connect with him on the first day.

He leaned back against the plastic chair studying me. "Dr. Quinzel." The way he said my name slowly, musing over it made me hold my breath in anticipation. "This is going to be great, you and I are going to have_ a lot_ of fun."

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What do you guys think? Please review!


	2. Beyond a Joke: The Limits of Humor

**Chapter 2**

"What's your first name?"

"Doctor."

The Joker chuckled approvingly and swayed in his seat. This was something he did when he was excited I'd noticed that before, even if this was only our second session.

"Why aren't you wearing your glasses?"

"I don't need them." I admitted, because I knew he was bound to ask me even more questions and if I lied every time he would notice.

"Fascinating!"

"Can I ask some questions now?" I asked pointing towards my notebook. "Since I am the psychiatrist after all."

"Are you though?" He grinned leaning forward. "Maybe you should tell me your problems."

"Maybe I don't have any problems."

"_Ha!"_ I jumped at his loud voice. "Everyone has problems, Doctor."

"Anyway..." I tried again. "Do you know why you're in the straight-jacket?"

"For my protection." He answered in a tone that seemed genuine and serious. "Because otherwise you would jump my bones right here and now."

"Mr. Joker..." I sighed.

Now he shook his head. "You can call me Mr. J, toots."

I decided to ignore this nickname. "Mr. J, you are wearing a straight-jacket, because you physically hurt three of my colleagues and tried to murder them."

"Is that why they sent such a sweet lamb in here?" He mused tilting his head from side to side, studying me. "One who's first name starts with a H?" He grinned, studying my ID-bagde that read _Dr. H. Quinzel._

"Why did you try to hurt them?" I asked. "Why not give therapy a chance?"

"Ok, I'll say some names with H and then you say if I'm right. Heather, Hope, Hayden, Hailey..._Ha!"_ He had read my face expression correctly. "Your name is Hailey!"

I shook my head and as I did so my ponytail swung back and forth. "My best friend is called Hailey that's all."

"Dammit." He muttered. " Holly, Harriet, Hannah..."

"I'm worried about you." I interrupted. "What happened to make you stop fighting?" I looked into his chart, even though I didn't have to. "You stabbed someone in the eye, you strangled another and the third got his head bashed in." Mr. J didn't say anything and looked bored. "Why did you fight the first three and then just give up?"

"I like the name Hannah, but I don't think that's it."

"Fine." I said closing my notebook. "I'm leaving."

"What?" He sounded surprised, but nonetheless amused. "Are you joking?"

"Nope." I stood up and straightened my ponytail. "But you are and you're wasting my time, because you won't give me anything."

"Baby, I'll give you all of me if you let me out of this restraint."

"Keith Pearson has serious brain-damage, he's in hospital fighting to survive as we speak." I said coldly. "I want to know why you hurt him."

"Why do you think, Doctor?" For once he didn't sound like laughing or like he was enjoying himself. "Because he annoyed the shit out of me that's why." He rolled his eyes. "Couldn't take a joke."

"Do you think hurting other people in such a manner is a joke?"

"It's entertaining, yeah. You should try it sometime." He looked at me with something that looked like disgust. "Weren't you leaving?"

I was 26 years old, this was my first real experience with darkness such as Mr. J's. I had no idea what I was doing. But he was my patient and honestly, I didn't want to give him up.

"No." I sat back down. "No I'm not leaving."

"Good. Holly was my ex and I hate that name." He shuddered as if filled with disgust. "She was always bugging me that one."

"Why?"

"She was so clingy, don't you just hate that?" He didn't give me a chance to reply. "Always on and on about how much she loves me..."

"Is that why you broke up?"

He scoffed. "No, we broke up because I chopped her up into little pieces and hid her body in the garbage."

Of course I'd known that he had murdered Holly. It was in his chart. She'd been pretty, a few years younger than me, a perky blonde with a high ponytail and tanned skin.

"And...and did you talk to Dr. Pearson about Holly?"

"Sure, everyone of your colleagues wanted to talk about her." Mr. J smiled but it wasn't a friendly one. "They all asked the same questions and I just got so bored."

"And that's why you hurt them?"

He nodded now and I finally realized that the silence he had put upon himself had been a struggle for him and maybe even a form of punishment too.

"And because they crossed certain limits, especially the last one." He sounded thoughtful as he said that. "Anyway, how about you, are you seeing anyone?"

"What are your limits?" I asked and circled the word on my clipboard. "I didn't think you'd have any."

"Everyone has limits." The Joker said in a surprisingly serious tone. "And I can't wait to find yours." He chuckled. "I would love to find your limits, doctor and _stretch _them as far as they go."

"What did they ask you, Mr. J?" I asked, ignoring the way he was grinning at me and the obvious amusement in his eyes. We were making headway here and I didn't want to ruin it.

"It's not what they asked me." He said. "It's the assumptions they made."

I knew instinctively that asking him to tell me these assumptions wouldn't work. That I had to give him time to trust me and to open up to me.

"What's your favorite animal?" I asked and I could see how dumbfounded he was by this and that he hadn't expected this question and the fact that I was able to render him speechless made me smile.

"A cat." He finally said. "I like the how sneaky they are. And independent."

_Well here we go, _I thought. _That was easy. _

"Like yourself?"

He laughed now, again it sounded genuine. "Yes, precisely, what's yours? A dog?"

Loyal, dependent on it's master, yearning to be petted and loved...

"A lioness." I said, keeping eye-contact. "Everyone thinks the male lion is the stronger one, she even lets him believe it herself, but really she's the master mind."

Mr. J chuckled. "Is that so?"

"Our time is almost up." And I knew it was slow going, but at least he was talking to me. This was something the others hadn't managed to do. "I will see you on Monday."

"Wait." He said suddenly sounding panicked. "Are you leaving?"

I had a phone date with Hailey and was ready for a nice relaxing weekend. I wanted to get out of here before Daniel came. He used to pick his Dad up every Friday and then they went out to dinner. Every now and then I'd joined them.

"Yes." I closed my notebook.

"But..." Mr. J sounded disappointed. "But I wanted to tell you another joke!"

The mere thought of seeing Daniel made my skin crawl and I'd meant to marry him.

"Ok." I said to my patient who had actually turned to pouting. "One last joke."

His face brightened and he leaned forward. "A woman just gave birth. The doctor takes the newborn and throws it against the wall. The new parents stare at him in utter despair." He paused. "The doctor turns to them, shrugs and announces: it was already dead anyway."

Mr. J grins and chuckled, swaying back and forth in his straight-jacket as I stared at him speechlessly. The fact that his "joke" made my blood boil with rage, seemed to amuse him further and his chuckling turned into downright laughter.

"What?" I muttered through gritted teeth. "Is. So. Funny?!"

"Your limit." He flashed me a smile and leaned towards me. "I found it."

"You're disgusting!"

I didn't wait to see his reaction as I left.

* * *

Once I was outside I tried to steady my breath. _He's a patient._ I told myself. _He can't have known. _

But he _had_ found my limit in one session.

I steadied myself against the wall outside of his cell, trying to calm down.

It was a long week that was all.

I had to get home.

"Harleen!"

The sound of his voice made me cringe. I couldn't deal with Daniel. Not now.

"Hey!" He was smiling as if we were friends. "How are you?! I heard you finally got him to talk!" His gaze went to the corner, where the cells were. "That's great, I was actually hoping to sneak a peek."

"He's a human being, Daniel." I wasn't surprised by how cold my voice was but he looked taken aback.

"I...I know." He muttered. "I just meant, you know, from a medical point of view. His mind is fascinating."

I needed to leave right now, I had to get out here before I lost it completely. _But what if you do?_ Hailey's voice was suddenly in my head as if she was right beside me. _What do you have to lose?_

"Dad!" Daniel sounded relieved as he walked past me. "There you are."

There he was indeed. David Kendall was strolling down the hallway, Dr. Leland was right by his side. A large smile on her face.

"Daniel!" His Dad cried out. "Joan is going to join us for dinner! Isn't that great!" His real smile was replaced with a fake one. "Oh, hi Harleen, how's it going?"

"Good." There was nothing else I could say and no one seemed to need more details.

"Anyway...does Chinese sound good to you?" David asked his son, who beamed as if David had just bought him a new house.

"Sure!"

"Great, Joan?"

She nodded and her eyes locked with Daniel's. He was blushing and she giggled.

"Alright, let's go!"

The three of them walked past me and it was David, who called back: "Oh! Harleen!"

"Yes?" I hated how my tone went up at the that single word. It wasn't even because it was question. It was hope.

"Have a nice weekend!"

Dr. Leland laughed at something Daniel was saying and then the three of them left.

I cried the whole way home.

How could he do this to me? How could he leave me after eight years without even trying to adjust to new plans?

And why on earth had the Joker told me that joke?!

By the time Hailey called me I was a sobbing mess.

"Harleen." She said just slightly annoyed. "Stop cryin', Daniel is a horrible person. He's good riddance!"

"I know." I sniffed wiping my eyes.

"What are you doin' this weekend?" She asked now.

"I don't know, I think I'm just going to stay in and watch TV. And you know, cry."

"Wroooooong." She sang and had me laughing almost immediately.

"Oh." I said as I heard a ringing tone in my phone. "Hold on, Hailey. I have another call coming in."

"Sure!" As always she was bubbly and I hung up on her, just catching the other caller.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Quinzel, this is a call from Arkham Asylum, do you expect the charges?"

"What? Eh...yes."

There was a click in the line and then I heard a familiar voice:

"Dr. Quinzel?"

For a second I couldn't speak. My mouth dropped open and for a moment there was complete silent, until I asked:

"Mr J?"

"The one and only." He chuckled.

"What are you...how did you...?"

"I told one of the guards I wanted to call you." He said as if this explained anything. "And that's what I did."

"But..." I massaged my temple, ready to succumb to a raging headache. _"Why?"_

"I realize I made a mistake." He said. "I'm sorry, Dr. Quinzel."

"What?"

"The baby-joke." He muttered. "It went too far."

"What?"

"I'm sorry." The Joker repeated and I felt like saying _what_ again, but I didn't want him to think I wasn't taking him seriously, but he couldn't be serious, could he?

"I..." I was speechless.

"Cat caught your tongue?" He asked and I could hear how amused he was.

"Something like that." I admitted and felt transferred back to my first date with Daniel, eight years ago when I'd been a teenager and I'd been just as flustered.

"Well..." He chuckled. "Have a nice weekend, Doc. I'll see you Monday."

"Bye, Mr. J."

I took too long to reply and he'd already hung up. Hailey was waiting on the other line and I knew that, but I couldn't do anything else but stare at the phone. He had _apologised_. I had gotten through to him! There was a part of me wondering, if he maybe had an ulterior motive, something he was planning. But I pushed these thoughts aside. I was good at what I did and I was making headway and I would show them all!

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So what do you guys think? Please review :)


	3. The Laughing Monsters

**Chapter 3: The Laughing Monsters**

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A/N: Hi guys! I am back with this story and will upload every Wednesday so stay tuned. The chapter titles are new and stem from novels. Chapter 1 (The Man Who Laughs) is by Victor Hugo and Chapter 2 (Beyond a Joke: The Limits of Humor) is a book written by Michael Pickering. Todays book is by Denis Johnson.

Enojy!

* * *

"So, doctor, how was your weekend?"

"Great, how was yours, Mr. J?"

"Oh, just peachy." He muttered and sighed dramatically.

"Thank you for your call." I said it right at the beginning of the session. I wanted him to know that. "It meant a lot to me."

He flashed me his happiest smile, but I could see a darkness in his eyes.

"So, how are you doing, Mr. J?"

"I'm ok."

I pressed my lips together. He was not ok, but I didn't want to pressure him. I was about to ask him for a joke, because that seemed to be the number one ice-breaker, when he suddenly said:

"When I was seven I found a puppy." I looked at him and waited for him to continue. "I named her Toots, because you know." He made some movement that was probably a shrug underneath his straight-jacket. "I was seven. Anyway, Toots and I were really happy, she slept in my bed, we went on long walks, that dog was the best friend I ever had."

There was a silence.

"What happened?"

"What do you think happened?"

His eyes bored into mine. The were so blue, so clear and in a way I couldn't decipher, they made him seem vulnerable.

"I think..." He'd been seven. Had he already started harming innocent creatures back then? Had someone else killed the poor animal? His father perhaps? "I think this little dog left an impression on you."

"Yeah." He sounded bored and stared at the table before him. "She did. She was the first?"

"The first?"

The first one he'd killed. The first taste of innocence being stolen. The first taste of power.

Mr. J nodded and continued to avoid eye-contact. I didn't pressure him, after all the fact that he was talking to me was already a huge step in itself.

"One day I wake up and the bed is empty." My heart went out to him. The small boy whose dog was murdered. "So I get up, barefooted you know and pad along the wooden floor of my mothers house, calling out to Toots, other and other again." He chuckled and the sound is cold. "At first I thought she was playing a game, wanting to be found, wanting to scare me." He paused. "Turns out she ran away." Although this incidence was almost 30 years in the past I could clearly hear the pain in his voice. "She _left_ me."

He looked up suddenly and his eyes tell me what his voice had already betrayed. That he still grieved after this friend.

"I'm sorry, Mr. J. That must have been very difficult for you to cope with as a little boy."

"Hmm." He muttered.

"How did she get out?"

"Someone left the door open, or maybe she opened it herself, I don't know!" His harsh voice did nothing to unsettle me. The fact that he wouldn't look at me made me realize he was being honest about his anger.

"Did you search for her?"

"I tried." He muttered now, once again staring at the table.. "I was just a little boy, you know."

"Didn't your parents help?"

This made the Joker scoff and I wrote down _parents_ and underlined it.

"It wouldn't have mattered if I'd found her or not." He finally said and looked up at me again. "She left me. She saw an open door and ran off." He shook his head. "That was the first bitch to ever disappoint me." He grinned a broken grin. "Did you see what I did there?"

"I did." I had to smile too. "But, Mr. J. I'd like to circle back to your parents if that's ok."

"Sure, Toots. Go ahead."

"Were they happy?"

"Who _is_ happy?" He asked now, sitting up straighter in his chair. "I mean, people grow up, realize life is a lie and their parents suck and that adulthood is just like childhood, except it's even more shitty and they get married and have their own kids and mess up their lives." He looked at me with wide eyes. "Tell me, doctor, what kind of sane person is happy on this planet? Are you?"

He caught me off guard and I curse myself for it, because this has happened too many times.

"Were your parents in love?" I tried again.

"Love." The Joker rolled his eyes. "Please, don't tell me you believe in something so ridiculous as love."

"Do you?"

He began swaying in his seat again and I knew he was enjoying this back and forth. At least one of us was having fun then, because this session was getting me nowhere.

"Mr. J." I leaned forward, putting my hands on the table, hoping that would stop his swaying. "Why did you tell me about Toots?"

He cocked his head to the side, studying me and I pulled my hands back.

"Because I dreamed about her last night, I mean she's dead now, you know? That's sad."

I nodded. "It is sad." When he didn't respond, I decided to push it: "Holly, your ex-girlfriend, is dead too."

Seeing right through me he rolled his eyes. "That's not the same."

"Why not?"

"Because..." He groaned, obviously frustrated. "Because I _enjoyed_ killing Holly, I made that happen, but Toots died somewhere, someday because that's what everyone does. We all die eventually and that's downright depressing, don't you get that?"

"I do." I said and pushed away all the thoughts about Daniel and the baby. "But don't you think that might be inspiring? That we should live every moment to the fullest, because it might be our last?"

"Well, baby, if you want to make that happen, you're going to have to get me out of this straightjacket right now."

I had to laugh even though I knew it was unprofessional. "Mr. J. I'm worried about you. You seem...sad."

"I am sad, doctor Quinzel."

"But why?"

"Because my dog ran away when I was seven and everyone is mortal. Have you not been listening to anything I've said?"

"Oh I've listened." I put the clipboard down. "In our last session, we talked about limits and you said my colleagues overstepped your limits with their questions and–"

"That's not what I said." He interrupted.

"You hurt them." I said, maintaining eye-contact. "Because they pushed your limits too far."

"Yes."

"They asked you questions that–"

"No."

"_Mr. J." _I sighed and he chuckled, swaying back and forth.

"It's a riddle!"

"Yeah." I massaged my temples. "I got that."

Everything was fun and games and quizzes with this man. But he had a deep sadness radiating off of him and I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know what had hurt him so badly that he had stopped fighting therapy, had stopped trying to harm us. I wasn't naive enough to think it had anything to do with me personally.

"The session is over anyway." I said, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. J."

* * *

Once I was home I poured over my notes while drinking huge amounts of coffee. The caffeine had stopped working years ago, but I liked the ritual of it.

Holly he had murdered. He'd strangled, stabbed and almost killed one of my colleagues. There was a rage inside of him. Obviously there was something different about my approach. Something that seemed to be working.

The ringing of my phone interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey!" It was Hailey and my smile grew large. "How are you?!"

She was sobbing.

"Hailey?"

I gripped my cell tighter as if I could reach her that way. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." She hiccuped. "I'm just...so overwhelmed, ya know."

I did know.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Hailey rarely talked about herself, she only ever wanted to know about me. So I told her about the latest session, how he had proposed a riddle. She stopped crying and was her giggle self again pretty soon and the thing was, when Hailey laughed and smiled, so did I.

Just as I made my third cup of coffee and had set aside my notes, another call came in onto my phone, disrupting my and Hailey's conversation.

"Dr. Quinzel?" It was David and I hadn't heard his voice this panicked since the day of the accident. "We have a situation. With the Joker. You need to come to Arkham immediately. He needs you."

I should have asked questions, should have tried to figure out what was happening, but I didn't. I hung up and raced from the apartment.

The drive was crazy, I sped along every street, driving over red lights. I didn't care. He needed me. I shouldn't have left. I should have made sure he was ok. He'd openly talked about having abandonment issues and being sad.

David was waiting for me outside even though it was raining.

"Harleen! Thank you for coming so quickly!"

"Where is he? What happened? Is he ok?!" My blond hair was plastered to my face due to sweat and rain, but I didn't care.

"He had a bad reaction to the shock therapy." David held on to my arms in an attempt to calm me down. "He's in the medical ward."

"_Shock therapy?!"_ I repeated and backed away from him, ripping my arms from his grip. "What on earth are you talking about?!"

"The shock therapy you ordered." He said calmly as if I was the crazy one.

"I didn't order any shock therapy!" I pushed myself past him to get inside. I didn't want to discuss this any longer, I just wanted to see Mr. J.

The medical ward was on the other side of Arkham, opposite the wing of the patients cells. I rushed down the hallway, not caring about the flickering lights or the stale air.

I had to get to him now.

I had almost reached the large double door when I heard crackling laughter. My first thought was that it sounded monstrous, demonic. My second was that this was one of Mr. J's jokes and he was fine.

I spun around and found myself standing face to face with a woman. Her lip was bleeding, her hair was a wild, curly mess. Although she was wearing a white lab coat, she looked more like a patient than a doctor.

"Who are you?"

She laughed again, her creepy laughter echoing off the walls. I could hear a man yelling in pain from inside the medical ward and tears appeared in my eyes.

"You did this to him?"

The woman grinned, blood trickling down her face. "I am Keith Pearson's wife."

My heart sunk as I recognized the name. The last therapist Mr. J had attacked; the one that had pushed him over the edge.

"I work here." She laughed. "No one cares that my husband is basically dead." She pointed towards the hospital ward. "That piece of shit is still alive and well and no one cares about Keith."

I could hear Mr. J yelling out in pain again and felt torn all the way down to the core of my soul. I wanted to burst into that room, wanted to be with him.

But I couldn't leave this woman here roaming the hallways in this state.

"He thought he was helping him, you know." Her eyes were full of a passionate rage I had rarely seen in a human being. "Just like you think you can help him, but you can't. He's not a human, he's a monster and he needs to be eliminated. Kill him, Harleen, end this madness."

"Harleen!" David had caught up to us and looked stunned. "I...what is going on here?"

"Call the police." I said, not taking my eyes off the woman whose name I still didn't know. "This woman is married to Keith Pearson. She had an agenda to purposely hurt the Joker." I looked at my former father-in-law. "I did not order any shock therapy. She did this." David grew pale and I glared at him. "I'm going in to my patient now and I do _not_ wanna be disturbed."

With that I turned around to the double doors, following Mr. J's screams of agony and still hearing his abuser's laughter loud and clear. _Arkham Asylum is the place where Monsters laugh,_ I thought and pushed the doors open. _Laughing Monsters are my every day life now._

* * *

What do you think? Please review :)


	4. Tears of a Clown

**Chapter 4: Tears of a Clown**

* * *

Hi guys, this week's book was written by M.B. Mulhall, I hope you're all happy and healthy.

* * *

He was thrashing wildly in bed. Sweat covered his forehead and chest, which was covered in tattoos. He was strapped to the bed and the rubber bite block was still in his mouth.

When his eyes met mine I could see how afraid he truly was and that his eyes had filled with tears.

"What are you doing?" The doctor, whose name I didn't even bother to get to know snapped at me as I pulled out the rubber bite block and wiped the saliva off his face.

The Joker gasped and coughed as he was finally able to breathe normally again.

"Hey!"

I began loosening the straps on his hands and when the doctor stepped closer I spun around to him.

"David Kendall knows I'm here and I have full access to this patient, take it up with him and leave me alone!"

The man in front of me seemed stunned and I wondered if I reminded him off a mental patient, with my puffy eyes, messed up hair and the fact that I wasn't wearing my lab coat.

But he backed away.

Everyone knew who I was of course.

Ex-fianceè of Daniel Kendall. Girl who got the Joker to talk.

His right hand was free and I had to lean over him to access his other hand. He'd stopped screaming and was just groaning in discomfort and pain now. His eyes were closed.

I pulled the curtain close around his bed so he had some emblem of privacy.

"Mr. J." I whispered as I stroked his face with my finger. "I'm so sorry this happened to you."

I freed his ankles. He was bruised all over. The restraints had been too tight.

He coughed again and I stroked his face, pushing the green hair from his clammy forehead. His eyes opened and met mine and I could tell the surprise in his eyes.

"Doc..." His voice was raspy and I pulled my hand back.

"I'll get you some water."

I pushed the curtain aside and saw David and the doctor standing there. One of them had a stern look, the other worried.

"You're leaving him alone?"

"Where would he go?!" I shot back and the doctor actually flinched. I filled up a cup of water and grabbed a straw. When I returned to the curtain, I shot one last glare in the direction of the two men and then went back to the Joker.

He looked up at me glassy eyes, the look in them was dazed and confused.

"Here." I sat down beside him on the bed and reached to prop him up with my hand, so he could drink with the straw.

He drank a few sips and then leaned back again, clearly exhausted.

"You came." He muttered, his voice less raspy now.

"Of course." I wrapped both of my hands around the cup. "As soon as I heard you were in trouble."

A dopey smile appeared on his face. "That's flattering, doc."

As his eyes fell shut again I reached out to stroke his face.

Just earlier today he had told me the difference between accepting human mortality and murdering somebody. Murder was fun for him.

Mr. J opened his eyes suddenly causing me to flinch and pull my hand back.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't." He muttered and I pressed my hand against my fast beating heart.

"I'm sorry." I repeated. Of course he didn't want me touching him. He was my patient and he was a narcissist. I was seeing him at his weakest and lowest.

"Don't go." The Joker whispered. "Please don't leave me."

My eyes locked with his. Blue met blue and I wondered if he could see the same vulnerability in my eyes as I could see in his.

"I won't." I promised and reached for his hand. "I'll stay right here with you, Mr. J."

"Why does everyone always leave?"

My heart went out to him in that moment and I stroked his face again gently. Probably in the way no one had for years.

"I'll stay with you."

"What's your name?"

As we looked into each others eyes something past between us. I felt it in my heart of hearts. A connection, a difference in the way we saw each other. A change in our relationship. I wanted to tell him my name, not because it was my professional opinion that it would help him, but because I wanted him to know it. Wanted to be connected to him.

"Harleen." I said. "Harleen Quinzel."

The ghost of a smile crept onto his pale face. "Harley." He muttered, even though I hadn't this nickname to him. "Harley."

It felt right hearing my name from this broken man, in his broken voice.

"It's perfect."

It was. This moment right now. This was when all the walls came down. The mistakes the others had made was right here. It had never been about getting him to talk, getting him to let down his guard. I had to do it in the same way.

* * *

"It's unacceptable! How could you possibly let this happen?!"

"I fell asleep Dr. Kendall." I rubbed my neck. "It's not as if I planned for this to happen."

_Planing_ to fall asleep in my patient's sickbed would have been a completely different kind of mess.

"Is this about Daniel?" David looked at me with large eyes, shining with pity. "Are you that lonely that you would seek comfort with that monster? With a patient?!"

Daniel had once told me his Dad didn't get angry, he got mad. His face turned into a wild expression, his eyes blazing and somehow his hair got unruly too.

"I am not lonely." I said calmly, the way one tells lies she wants to believe herself. "And the Joker is not a monster, he is a human being who was treated very inhumanely last night, he has grounds to sue this institute, do you realize that?"

David pressed his lips together, his face contorted with rage.

"Harleen, this is unacceptable, I am sorry about what happened, about Daniel, the accident, the–"

"Enough." I interrupted. "I fell asleep, that's all. Stop worrying and stop talking about my private life." I turned to the curtain. Luckily the Joker was still asleep, but if he hadn't been it's not like a curtain would have conveyed our words.

To my humiliation my patient was sitting up in bed, grinning broadly. Obviously he had heard every word.

Great.

"Good morning, Mr. J, how do you feel?"

Confusion crossed his face and his blank eyes looked up at me. "Who are you?"

My heart dropped into my stomach and David gasped behind me. I rushed forward.

"What?" His memories couldn't be gone, they just couldn't. How long had he been subjected to the shocks?!

His signature crackling laugh had me sighing. From annoyance or relief, I wasn't sure.

"Tricked ya."

"How are you?" I asked again.

"Oh just peachy, Harleen."

David cleared his throat behind me and Mr. J chuckled.

"Doctor Harleen, I mean, sorry, my bad."

"Tired? Nauseous? Headache?"

The Joker shrugged. "Just the usual, nothing dramatic."

"Please." I muttered. "As if you were ever anything but dramatic."

This made him chuckle and the sound of it made my heart flutter. Daniel had never thought I was particularly funny.

"If he isn't in pain and can walk by himself we can transfer him back to his cell." David said, still standing behind me. "And into his straight-jacket."

"I'd like the doctor to check him out first."

"He's busy with a different patient, down in the cells."

I rolled my eyes. "We'll wait for him then, are you hungry Mr. J?" I turned around looking at David other my shoulder. "We should get some sugar inside him, just to get him onto his feet."

"Hey, I can get to my feet." He flung the blanket back and swung his legs to the side of the bed. "Mr. J, no!"

I put my hands on his chest, trying to steady him and preventing him from getting up. I could feel his heartbeat underneath my fingertips. He looked up at me with wide eyes.

"You might fall." I whispered.

"It might be too late for that."

I swallowed and was suddenly all too aware of my own heartbeat. My hand was still on his chest and he wasn't grinning in that maniac way. He was smiling and it was a nice smile. Authentic.

David cleared his throat once more and I pulled back.

"I just...you might be light-headed." I said unable to look my patient in the eye. "You could stumble and hit your head."

"I'll go slow." He promised and heaved himself up from the bed. He didn't stumble, he didn't even sway. He didn't behave in any way as if he had been brutally tortured last night.

As Mr. J and I stood in front of each other I realized he wasn't as tall as I'd thought. As Gotham's notorious killer I'd expected him to tower over me.

But he was just slightly taller than me. If I wore high heels we'd even be the same height.

"He's fine!" David snapped behind me. "We can escort him back to his cell!"

"No." I spun around to my former father-in-law. "I want him checked out by the doctor. He will stay here."

"Actually." Mr. J tensed his back muscles, obviously in pain from the uncomfortable bed. "I will go to the bathroom."

"Not by yourself!" David's face was red from rage.

"No offense, doctor, but I park my car out front, the back is closed if you get my drift."

I try to hide my smile and David sighed.

"I liked you better when you didn't talk."

Mr. J met my gaze. "I'm liking myself just fine nowadays."

"Harleen, we can not allow him to roam freely like this!"

"The bathroom is right through that door." I pointed towards it and then turned to Dr. Kendall. "There's no window, no key, just a toilette and a sink. Let him be."

The Joker made his way towards the small room and then turned around halfway there.

"Actually, doctors, I'm not feeling so well." I could see the amusement in his eyes and knew he wasn't being serious. "I'm fatigued, weak." He paused and I knew it was only for dramatic effect. "Dr. Quinzel, I don't think I can hold my own dick, would you be available to assist me?"

David flushed scarlet and opened his mouth to yell at him but all he managed was to make some incoherent stuttering sounds.

"Why don't you just sit down, Mr. J?"

He lifted his index finger, then pointed at me and nodded. "You're so smart." He grinned at David. "You should hold on to this one. Give her a raise."

As soon as he was inside the bathroom David spun around to me.

"Harleen! This is beyond acceptable! This flirting, this bantering...this stops right now! You cannot treat a patient like this–"

"How do you propose I treat him?!" I interrupted and I didn't care who heard me. I could hear Hailey in my mind, cheering me on, knew she, if nobody else understood me. "By strapping him down?! Hurting and torturing him?!"

Now Davids face grew pale. It was clear that this wasn't exactly a method he could propose, but he also didn't care about Mr. J.

"Everyone says he's a monster." I said, breathing put slowly. "But has it ever occurred to anyone that he might be a monster, because of the way he's been treated? That he was made this way by us? By people who took an oath not to do any harm?"

David shook his head. "Just how naive are you, Harleen? Don't you see that he's twisted your mind?"

"No." I shook my head. "This is what I see, I see someone who is mentally ill and needs help, who is being treated worse than an animal. I am not unprofessional, David, you are. You're afraid of him, you treat him like an outcast, so he became one. I laugh at his jokes, I connect with him and that is how I will help him. You'll see, how this will work out. I understand him, I will solve his riddles, I'll make him whole again."

David was shaking his head. "The head of Arkham wants to speak to you. Harleen, I think you should be pulled from his case."

No! He'd never talk to anyone again, he'd feel abandoned. I couldn't do that to him.

"Well change ya mind." I growled, reminding myself of Hailey as I did it. "You _owe_ me, David. For what your son did."

I didn't wait for him to reply and spun around, leaving both of them behind.

* * *

What do you think? Has Harleen crossed a line? What could the head of Arkham want from her?


	5. The Voice Of The Clown

**Chapter 5: The Voice Of The Clown**

* * *

Hi everyone! I hope you had a great week, I had minor sugery and have been struggling to write, but I made it! :) This week's book-title is by Brenda Brown Canary. Enjoy and stay safe!

* * *

"Well I don't know what else to say, Harley, I think you're in love with him."

"He's my patient."

"You felt his heartbeat."

Hailey wouldn't let it go and I knew I was in trouble. Love may have been a bit over the top. But there was a certain chemistry I had to ignore.

_No_. I thought to myself._ Just __use it differently._

Mr. J and I had a connection. There was no doubt about it. But if I cut off our contact and abandoned him to find a different patient I knew I'd be wasting this connection. I could get over a silly crush and if I continued to keep him talking and active, then I knew I could help him.

"I should get inside, Hailey." I said. "I'll call you tonight?"

"Wrong, Harley-Baby." She said in her typical singing voice. "You'll be out partying tonight."

I sighed.

It was a good idea. To get him out of my mind in all ways but professionally hitting the town was the way to go. I owed it to him to get over this infatuation.

_You might fall._

_It might be too late for that._

I shook my head, trying to make the memory of his deep voice vanish. Trying to stop replaying such moments over and over again. As much as I hated to admit it, David was right, I was lonely. When Daniel had left me he'd taken all of our friends with him. Turned out they were his and not mine. The Joker was a master manipulator, he could sense my desperation so he said what I wanted to hear.

"Hailey, I need to go."

"Have fun tonight, Harley! I mean it!"

I had to giggle and hung up.

We hadn't seen each other yesterday. After storming off like that the head of Arkham had called me in to his office. I had calmly explained why I thought I was the right person to treat Mr. J and to my surprise he had agreed.

Then he'd started telling me about how I ought to make sure Mr. J didn't try to sue Arkham for neglecting to protect him from a grieving staff member.

I'd taken the day off and cleaned my apartment and spoken to Hailey on the phone. I wanted to see her, meet her in person, but for reasons she couldn't seem to explain she wasn't set on meeting in real life.

All thoughts of Hailey vanished as I stepped into the cell where Mr. J and I had our sessions. When he saw me his face lit up and he began swaying back and forth and grinning.

I tried to ignore my fast racing heart.

"How are you doin' Mr. J?"

"I like irony." He pronounced and I had to smile.

"Sure you do."

"Did you know the woman who tried to kill me is married to Dr. Pearson?"

I swallowed. "Yeah, I did know that."

He chuckled, swaying back and forth. "I love it, it's very Shakespearian."

"Doesn't upset you?" I asked. "She _hurt_ you."

"Nah, I don't mind pain. Besides..." He grinned. "This little incident got me your name, Harleeeeen." He chuckled. "Did you know, you could shorten your full name to Harley Quinn? That's like the Harlequin."

I actually hadn't known that. Most of my life people had called me Harleen. No one had ever really taken the time to craft a nickname for me like this. Hailey had started calling me Harley.

_Don't_, I told myself. _Let it go._

"Well, despite knowing my name I still think you have a right to be upset that you were treated in such a way."

"Why?" He leaned forward as best as he could in his straight-jacket. "We spent our first night together. I think that counts as something, don't you?"

I ignored this comment.

"Mr. J, in our last session we talked about a riddle, do you remember?"

"Of course. _I_ remember every moment we spend together Harley Quinn."

I wasn't sure what to make of the emphasis, but luckily he was in a talkative mode.

"It's not really a riddle, it was unfair." He swayed back and forth, but not in the way he did when he was excited. "It's just I already told you what my problem is. How Pearson pushed my limits."

I tried to remember. Of curse I remembered everything he said. I had taken notes, but somehow I was missing something. The annoying thing was, I felt like I was missing something painstakingly obvious.

"Here's my proposal, doctor." He was chuckling. "We play a game." He paused, giving me a moment to react to this.

"I don't want to play games, Mr. J."

The returning grin lit up his entire face. "Listen to the rules, you might like it. It's called true or false. I say a statement, like..." He cocked his head the side, pretending to think, although I knew he'd already picked out which example he wanted to present to me. "Daniel is your former lover, true or false?"

I stared at him.

"If this assumption if correct, then you say, true and it's my turn again. If its false, you get to assume."

"I don't understand."

"Honey, it's really not that difficult."

I rolled my eyes. "I understand the _game_, Mr. J. I just don't see why can't we talk normally."

"What would the fun be in that?"

I didn't really have an answer so I just lifted my shoulders questioningly. I wanted to make headway with him and lead him where he needed to get to feel better. And I knew how much he gained from personal information.

"Why does it have to be assumptions? Why not just ask each other questions?"

"That's the beauty of it, Harley. That's what made me so angry at Pearson he went on and on about what was wrong with me and what was in my head." I could hear the change in his voice very clearly the anger and resentment coming off him in waves. "But he didn't know half of what you already know."

I told myself it wasn't because of this silly crush. It wasn't even a bad idea. It was a way to get him to talk to me and that was what I wanted.

"Ok. Fine. You can go first. But Mr. J..." I didn't know how to say what I needed to say what was the essential part of my job.

"Of course you can forfeit." He grinned. "Just say _next_ and I'll make a new assumption."

I blushed because it was so clear to him what my hesitation had been about. Limits, of course.

"You can do the same."

He chuckled. "Oh I doubt I'll have to. Are you ready?"

_You can always lie, _I told myself, _you don't owe him anything._

_Nope_. Hailey's voice rang out clear in my mind. _He'll know when ya lyin', Harley-Baby!_

"Yes, go ahead."

"Daniel was your boyfriend, true or false?"

"True."

He chuckled and swayed happily. Well, at least one of us was having fun.

"You live alone, true or false?"

"True. Are you a stalker now, Mr. J?"

He laughed but then grew serious for his game again. "You and Daniel had a baby."

"False." My voice caught in my throat. _Don't cry_, I told myself. _Keep it together._

He shook his head. "I'm not done. You had a baby and it died. True or false?"

"False." I took a deep breath and could see the surprise in his eyes. The accident and the miscarriage wasn't _having_ a baby. Mr. J looked up at me with large eyes, ready to be on the receiving end of this game.

"Your Dad beat you, true or false?"

"True."

"Your mother never stood up for you."

"True." His voice was tense. "Do you have any lighter topics, Harley?"

"You regret murdering Holly, true or false?"

"True."

"You regret murdering Holly, because you still love her."

"Ha. False. My turn"

It took every bit of emotional strength to ignore any happy feelings about this. He actually regretted a murder.

And he didn't love her anymore!

"You were pregnant, true or false?"

"True."

Our eyes locked. The pain was clearly written in my eyes. He knew it and I knew what his next assumption would be.

"The baby is dead. True or false?"

"True."

I didn't need to cry. I felt the familiar pang of loss throughout my body, the one I lived with every day. But I was looking at the Joker and he was looking at me and he was seeing me. This game was turning into something serious. Something real. A beginning.

He had never looked at me like that.

"Daniel left you afterward, true or false?"

"True."

"He's a dick."

I had to laugh. "True."

The Joker wasn't laughing, he was no longer amused. "You're all alone. True or false?"

"False." I smiled and the corner of his mouth twitched from sheer tension.

"You think you deserve punishment, true or false?"

He cocked his head to the side. "Undecided."

I rolled my eyes. "Can I go again?"

"True."

I couldn't help it and had to laugh, before I continued:

"You want to change, true or false?"

"True."

I smiled. "You regret your actions so far and want to become a better person, true or false?"

This made him snort. "False."

"_Mr. J!"_

"Sorry, toots." He breathed deeply. "You're not all alone, you have..." The way he was gazing at me was like he was trying to read me. "A best friend."

I smiled. "True."

He was grinning broadly now, clearly happy.

"She brings out your wild side."

I had to laugh. "True, within limits obviously."

"Obviously." He sighed deeply. "You haven't had sex in the last two months."

"False."

The Joker was actually dumbfounded and I laughed.

"You haven't had sex in the last two months."

"True." He muttered and grinned at me. "Is that a proposition?"

"_No_." I rolled my eyes and wished my cheeks weren't burning up. "You feel lonely, true or false?"

"True." Once again the humor had faded.

I kept my eyes locked with his. "You tried to commit suicide before. True or false?"

"True."

"You tried to commit suicide because your life seemed pointless?"

"True."

My heart went out to him. Not just because of my crush on him. But because I understood the moment when you realized you were unable to connect to even one other person, even to life itself. When all you could think was how easy it would be to end it all.

"People in your life have let you down over and over again, true or false?"

"False." He smiled and my heart skipped a beat. "As of lately. It was true before I met you."

_Ya'll in trouble,_ Hailey's voice rang out in my mind clearly again. _Get out now, Harley. You're falling down the rabbit hole._

But I couldn't get out, I was in too deep. I'd fallen deep down.

"You spend most of your free time alone at home."

I wanted to say, _hey!_ But it was more true than I wanted to admit.

"True and false." I said. "I'm going out tonight."

"_Really?"_ He seemed more than surprised, he was excited. "With you friend?"

"No. Alone."

"_What?!"_ Now Mr. J was angry again and I began to feel dizzy from these mood-swings. "Harleen Quinzel, you cannot go out partying by yourself."

"Sure I can, Mr. J." I smiled sweetly. "But I appreciate the concern. It's my turn. True or false: you like to party?"

He had to force himself to play the game now, I could tell. He was the one to bring it up, it had been his idea, his pride was attached to it, so he couldn't stop now.

"True."

I smiled. "You like to get drunk."

"Who _doesn't_ like to get drunk?!" He muttered staring at the table between us. "True."

"You don't like to dance."

He looked up and once again my heart skipped a beat as his blue eyes bore into mine. "True."

"You like to have people dancing for you."

_I'd love to dance for him_, I thought and flushed scarlet as I pushed this thought away to the furthest corner of my mind.

"True again, Harley Quinn, you should get a promotion. Run this place."

I smiled and he was smiling back and for a second, just for a second I forgot all the limits I'd set up. I forgot that he was a deranged man. That he was a murderer. That he was my patient.

The moment didn't last though and I took hold my clipboard.

"This was an interesting session, Mr. J. Thank you for proposing the game, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

My heart raced in my chest because I could see he was still stuck in the moment I'd just pulled myself from.

"Be safe, my little Harley Quinn."

"You too."

_My little Harley Quinn._

_So, how's ya crush?_ I could hear Hailey's voice in my head as I imagined summarizing this session for her. And I could hear her laughing loudly at the thought that I'd said I had my emotions under control.

* * *

Thanks for reading, what did you think? Should Harleen go out partying alone? Where's the harm in that?


	6. City of Clowns

**Chapter 6: City of Clowns**

* * *

Hi everyone! Thank you for your reviews and messages. They make me so happy and really brighten my day. Today was a horrible day. I'm chronically ill and today was one of those days where by the end of it, I was sick of the sound of my sobs. So anyway, I got through today. It wasn't the first horrible day and it won't be the last. I'm just so happy I get to upload today! This week's title is from a book written by Daniel Alarcón, enjoy and stay safe and happy!

* * *

"It's not short enough."

"You can't even see me."

Hailey laughed her high-pitched laughter that always sounded slightly manic. "Harleen, I know you well enough. Whatever skirt you're wearing, you're gonna wanna pull it up."

I rolled my eyes, turning in front of the mirror to see my outfit from all sides.

"I'm not sure pulling up my skirt is the way to go."

"I'm not sure we have the same sort of evening in mind."  
Laughing I stepped to my large closet. "Well, I don't know what to wear. Look, can we just video-chat and–"

"No." She interrupted. "No video, look, we'll find something."

"Hailey I'm not sure about this." I sat down on the bed. "Maybe this is a bad idea."

To her credit she didn't sound annoyed.

"Harleen, this is a good idea."

I blinked quickly to fight off the tears threatening to escape from my eyes.

"It's time that you let loose and have a little fun."

"I miss him." I gave up fighting my tears.

"Do you really? Daniel sounds so boring."

I laughed once, wiping my tears. "But he was a part of my life for so long, you know."

"I do." She said softly.

"And I just..." I took a shaky breath. "I feel so lonely. And..." I sighed, saying these words out loud was so difficult. "I miss Mr. J." I sobbed and laughed at the same time. "How pathetic is that?"

"It's not pathetic, Harleen. From what you've been saying, he really likes you and I think...well you know."

_Be safe, my little Harley Quinn._

"Know what?"

"I think you might be in – " She stopped this sentence and admitted: "Well I don't wanna say it. You have to, I don't wanna be told I'd been puttin' ideas in ya head."

I had to laugh. "Hailey that's all you've been doing."

"True." She agreed. "But this is different. I think, you like him a lot Harleen and to be real honest with ya, I don't think it's just because you're vulnerable right now."

I didn't reply. The truth was, I'd had similar thoughts on the way home.

_You might fall._

_It might be too late for that._

"We just connect." I whispered, ashamed of the thoughts that I was actually saying out loud. Terrified of the actions that might follow. "And he...he flirts a lot."

"I know he does." Hailey was smiling. "Can ya blame him?"

"No." I chuckled. "He must be bored out of his mind."

"I meant, can ya blame him for flirting with a beautiful, intelligent woman?"

I blushed. "Hailey, come on. Be real."

"No Harleen. _You_ be real, you're stunning and Daniel and all of Arkham have failed to see it."

"Thanks." I sniffed.

"_People in your life have let you down over and over again, true or false?"_

"_False. As of lately. It was true before I met you."_

"So." She said matter-of-factly. "Go out tonight, have fun, dance. Maybe pick up a guy, maybe not."

"Ok." I whispered.

"And Harleen..." I could hear the hesitation in her voice. "I know how much ya wanna do the right thing and I love ya for it, I do. But..." There was a silence and I gripped the cell phone tightly. "Maybe doin' the right thing isn't the right way to go this time. If you love him and he loves you..."

"Hailey." I whispered. "I couldn't. He's my patient."

"I'm not tellin' ya to do anythin', I just want ya to know there's no judgment coming from me, Harleen. I'll always be on your side."

"Really?"

She giggled. "Sure, that's what I'm here for!"

"Thanks Hailey."

"But..." She continued, drawing the word out in a singing voice. "I think it's ok for you to go out and have fun, don't be too hard on yaself. Just see what happens."

"Yeah."

"Wear what ya feel comfortable in."

I nodded. "Jeans and a dark blue shirt. I'll leave the top buttons open."

She giggled. "That's my girl! And Harley-Baby, this crush isn't as dramatic as you think, it might be nice for both of you, if your flirt back a little, you make him happy, right? Where's the harm in that?"

A rational part of me could see all the harm in various forms. But tonight I was letting go of rationality and letting lose. Just a little.

"You're right. There's no harm in it."

* * *

The music was loud and I felt whisked away as soon as I stepped into _Club Nightingale_ I was surprised by how free I felt.

Hailey was right.

This was a good idea.

Mr. J was my patient and yes I might have crossed certain limits today. But I needed to dance it out and I needed to distract myself with a different man.

My best friend's voice was as clear in my head as my own.

I was beautiful. I was amazing. I could have ten Daniels lining up instantly.

Men and Women stared at me as I approached the dance floor. I wasn't sure where my confidence had come from. Whether it was Hailey or Mr. J.

Whatever it was, it worked.

The men were admiring and the women were jealous.

I felt like I was on fire. As soon as the I was on the dance-floor the base was part of me and as I swayed my hips people were drawn to me like the moth the flame.

And I loved being the flame.

One man was tall, with blonde hair and blue eyes. They were darker than Mr. J's and as soon I realized I was noticing that I pushed the thought from my head. When he smiled at me I smiled back and went to the bar.

He followed.

"Hey." He smiled and my heart skipped a beat.

"Hey." I gave the brightest smile I had.

"What are you drinking?"

"Vodka, straight."

His eyes were blazing. "Perfect, me too."

We clinked our glasses together and it tasted like freedom. I gripped his shirt and pulled him down, crushing my lips against his.

_Be safe, my little Harley Quinn._

I deepened the kiss that tasted like vodka.

"My name's Nick." He whispered, pulling me closer and brushing his lips against my ear. "Nick Stone."

"Harleen." I muttered, pressing myself up against him. "Harleen Quinzel."

He stiffened and I backed away, slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry." Nick looked rigid all of a sudden. Like he didn't want to be here. Like something was wrong. "I can't do this, I'm really sorry."

"Wh–" I couldn't even say what, he was already gone.

I lifted both of my arms in an exasperated way. Not that anyone cared or that anyone noticed anything. Everyone was busy dancing or in other activities and the man I had been kissing was long gone.

"Minor setback." I muttered and immediately thought of how Daniel had used to say I talking to yourself is the first sign of craziness!

Poor Nick, he was probably hung up on someone too and just not ready to plunge into anything with anyone just yet.

I ordered another round of vodka, paying for it myself this time and went back to the dancfloors. There would be other Nicks. Ones that stuck.

The next man who danced with me was tall, with green eyes and dark hair. When we danced, he pulled me close and we swayed together. I was drunk on vodka and recklessness.

His kiss tasted like tequila.

When people bumped into us we laughed and he pulled me away from the crowd.

"Wanna get out of here?" He muttered into my ear.

"Sure."

Our hands fit perfectly together and as he led me outside, his mouth hastily found mine.

"What's your name?" I muttered against his lips.

"Sebastian." He gasped as he pulled me into a nearby alley.

"Harley." I whispered reaching underneath his shirt. "We should get a cab."

He pulled back and I took my hands from his warm skin. It was better to keep our hands off each other until we were at least in the back of a car.

"Harley?" He whispered, but not in a sexy way, more like a fearful way.

"Well, it's short for Harleen."

In the darkness he backed away further.

"I should go."

"What?"

"It was nice meeting you, Harleen."

"What?!"

And once again, this man walked away from me.

"What?" I muttered in the safe darkness all by myself.

_Fine._ I thought._ I'm already outside anyway. I'll just go another club._

* * *

_"Five guys?!"_ Haileys voice was loud and squeaky in my ear. "_Five_ guys rejected you?"

"I'm pretty sure it was more. Five rejected me to my face, but as soon as others heard my name they scattered too."

Hailey was giggling. "I can't believe it! Do ya think it was Mr. J?"

After Nick and Sebastian, it was Matthew, Don and Sean. Matthew and I had had a pretty good time, talking, taking shots, kissing. As soon as I'd said the name Harley it was like I'd dosed him with ice cold water. Don had heard the name Harleen and was out the door before I could say anything else. With Sean I'd been more careful, I had said my name was Hailey, but a girl from the dance-floor whispered something in his ear and he was gone in a flash.

"The bartender wouldn't even pour me any more drinks and then I left."

It must have been Mr. J. He knew my name, he knew I'd wanted to go out partying.

"How did he do it?" I whispered. "I just don't understand."

"He must have a lot of pull."

"I just..." I sighed deeply. "I don't understand. Why would he do that?"

"What do ya think?" Hailey asked. "He _likes_ you."

I rolled my eyes, her romantic views were ridiculous and we both knew it.

"No. He likes to control and manipulate things." I jammed the phone between my shoulder and ear and roamed in my purse for some breath mints. "I need to take care of this. He can't get away with it."

Hailey hesitated, but I wasn't surprised by her next words:

"He kind of already did get away with it."

I sighed, because this time she was right. Due to Mr. J's efforts I had not been able to pick up anyone and had once again gone home alone.

"Did you tell anyone?" Hailey asked and I scoffed:

"Who would I tell?"

This made her giggle. "Good point, I'm all ya have! But you know, I do think he means well, in his own way, he likes you and wants to keep you to himself, protect you from other men."

"I need to hang up, Hailey." I opened the door to my car and popped one of the mints into my mouth. "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Sure, Harley-Baby!"

When I hung up I still had her voice in my head. It was like I was still discussing with Hailey in my mind. I knew what she was saying that Mr. J meant well, that he liked me; that he didn't want another man touching me. But it wasn't right..

Once inside Arkham I felt better, more relaxed. I knew who I was in here. Hailey wasn't his doctor, she didn't understand him the way I did.

"Dr. Quinzel!" He was sitting in his usual seat in his straight-jacket, he was grinning, obviously very happy.

"You're in a good mood." I sat down, setting my bag down on the floor.

"You know, I live for these moments with you."

"I don't doubt that."

"Ooooh." He sang. "Someone's annoyed, true or false?"

"True."

He chuckled. "Really? How come?"

I glared at him.

"Sorry." Mr. J swayed back and forth. "You had a very _unsatisfying_ night. True or false?"

I kept his gaze and ignored the constant chuckling. "Neither."

"Come _ooooon_, Harley Quinn." He said in a sing-songy voice. "Tell Daddy what happened."

"Ok." I could practically hear Hailey swooning in my mind and held up my finger. "No. Stop the Daddy-thing right now."

He giggled. "Please tell me about your night, you wanted to go out, what happened?"

To keep this relationship going I had to be open towards him and keep the connection. I had to give something to get something.

And he was saying please.

"I had a good time with five men, we danced, we made out, we were headin' somewhere and as soon as I told them my name, they basically ran from me, they acted like they were scared of me."

Mr. J chuckled, showing off his metallic teeth. "And did you like that?"

"What?" I muttered and tried to ignore the part of me that had enjoyed the new status I'd received. "No. The entire point was to get human interaction."

The Joker was having the time off his life. He was laughing so hard he was almost crying.

"_How?!"_ I hit both of my palms on the table between us. "How did you do it?"

"Oh come on Harley, don't be mad."

"You ruined my entire night! And I'm pretty sure however you did it, it was illegal! This is seriuos!"

"Oh please." He rolled his eyes. "If anything then I saved you from yet another disappointing sexual encounter."

"_Yet another?!_" I repeated. "What are you talking about?!"

"No one in this city is good enough for you, Harley." He leaned forward as much as he could in his straight-jacket, dropping his voice to a low tone and becoming more serious than I'd seen him in a while. "These low-life, selfish bastards could never show you a good time, not like I could."

I shook my head. "This is crazy."

"Hahahah_aaaa_." He cocked his head to the side. "We're in an insane asylum, of course it's crazy."

"_Mr. J!"_ I snapped. "This isn't funny. This was not your choice to make."

"Everything concerning you is my choice, Harleen Quinzel." He growled, once again switching from highly entertained to serious in a matter of seconds. "You and I belong together and everyone in Gotham knows not to touch you, they know that I will cut them into little pieces, if they dare come near to you." His blue eyes met mine. "You are mine."

I was enraged. I was disgusted by this macho behavior. But at the same time, his words pierced through me, into every inch of my body, all the way down to my toes. His deep voice made my head spin. My knees wouldn't hold me if I stood up I knew it.

"I am not yours, Mr. J." I put all the effort I had into keeping my voice restrained. "I don't belong to anyone. I can do whatever I want, with whomever I want."

He smiled. "Sure, Toots."

"Stop it! Stop calling me Harley or Toots, or anything but Dr. Quinzel. This has gone too far. My private life is off limits!"

"Sorry." He muttered. "By all means, go ahead, whore around town, you won't find anyone who would directly defy my orders."

"I am not a whore!"

"I never said you were." He grinned._ "Dr. Quinzel."_

"Undo whatever it is you did." I demanded. "I am not your property, Mr. J. My life is not some toy you can manipulate!"

"Speaking of toys." He chuckled. "You might want to look into some of those, because no man or woman in all of Gotham will be lending you a hand or..." He grinned. "Any other body part any time soon."

"_That's it!"_ I jumped up, grabbing my purse. "This session is over! Guard!"

The Joker laughed loudly as I stormed out. And I could still hear his maniac amusement all the way home.

* * *

So what do you think? Are you angry like Harleen or swooning like Hailey?


	7. Laughter in the Dark

**Chapter 7: Laughter in the Dark**

* * *

Hi everyone, I hope you are all aright! Thank you for all your messages and reviews! This week's title is from a book by Vladimir Nabokov. Enjoy!

* * *

"Honey, he means well. He likes you, he wants to protect ya. Just think of all the girls who get date-raped, nothing can happen to ya. He basically gave you unlimited protection!"

"I don't need his protection!"

I was walking down the streets of Gotham, the phone glued to my ear my ear. The rage was back and it was full on. How dare he?! How dare he treat me like this?! How dare he...

"Ugh!" I groaned. "You know Hailey, this isn't the 50s. I have a degree in psychology, I can defend myself, I'm not some helpless little damsel in distress!"

"Darling, the King of Gotham went through a lot of trouble tyin' to keep ya safe."

"Keep me safe from what?!" I snapped. "All I wanted was some sex!"

She giggled and I sighed.

"Why are you so happy about this?" I asked. "You were the one that wanted me to go out and have fun."

"I know, but the sexy Clown of Crime havin' the hots for ya is much _much_ better." She gasped. "You could be the _Queen_ of Gotham!"

"Oh really?" I muttered. "While the King is locked up in a straight-jacket?" I rushed through the busy streets. With all this free time I hadn't wanted to go home "I don't understand how he did this."

"He has pull everywhere." Hailey sighed dramatically.

"Well, actually I'd like to test that theory." The words had left my mouth before I'd been able to stop them.

"What?" Hailey sounded confused. "How?"

"I don't know." That was part of the problem. "I jut feel so stupid."

"You should feel flattered!"

I shook my head. "No. He doesn't get to control me like this."

"Ya might like it."

I closed my eyes, my rage was bubbling at the surface and I didn't want to snap at Hailey. When I opened my eyes again I saw a large sign hanging in the window of a costume store.

_The Masquerade Party._

_Dress up and Show up!_

The ad also had details for the time and place and I took a mental note of it. But the Latin phrase at the bottom really held my attention.

_Nemo Saltat Sobrius._

Daniel had a guilty pleasure for old Latin texts and this was from a speech by Cicero.

"Nobody dances sober." I whispered.

"What?" Hailey asked.

"Nothing. I have to go."

"Ok..."

I hung up, read the ad again and then headed inside. The costume shop was warm, dusty and crowded with all sorts of dresses, costumes, capes...there was even a batman outfit.

"Hello, dear!" An old lady came towards me. She had a friendly smile, wrinkled face and was wearing a long gown. "Can I help you?"

"No." I said automatically, because Harleen Quinzel did not need help and she was learning to understand the world by herself.

"Ok." The old lady turned away, probably busy behind the counter.

"Actually..." She turned back her smile unwavering.

"Yes?"

"I..." I stepped forward. "I want to dress to impress, I don't want to be recognized. And I need a mask."

"A mask, dear?"

"For the masquerade party. There's a poster in your window."

"Oh yes." The old lady smiled a large smile. "Well I have masks in the back would you also like to buy a costume?"

"_Yes."_ I smiled. "I would."

"How lovely! Would you like to browse or do you have an idea?"

I reached out and touched a silky, light blue dressing gown. Trailing my fingers over the soft material.

"Oh I have an idea." I turned to the old lady. "Tell me, are you familiar with what a Harlequin

looks like?"

* * *

Getting the old lady to agree to something that wasn't a full-body costume had been difficult. As it turned out though I was a good negotiator and she was an amazing tailor.

The costume had once been a long suit, red and black checkered with diamond shaped patterns thrown in. The entire thing was made out of fake leather. I had thought that would make adjusting it to my wishes difficult, but the saleslady had managed.

Basically I was wearing a bra and very short pants.

Both items of clothing were tight, the top half pushing my breasts together, cutting low between them. The shorts barely covered my butt and the whole outfit was accommodated by fishnet stockings and high boots.

Honestly I looked cheap.

_Everything concerning you is my choice, Harleen Quinzel._

I looked slutty.

_You are mine._

I was perfect.

Because this was a masquerade party I'd also picked out one of the costume shop's masks. I'd chosen a black one, simple and elegant. It covered the right side of my face.

_By all means, go ahead, whore around town, you won't find anyone who would directly defy my orders._

The mask made the outfit complete. Of course I looked stunning, but showing half of my body off to the world like this...I felt safe behind the mask. I'd pulled the shorts up pretty high to cover the large scar on my abdomen from the accident.

My hair was open in it's natural curls. I would show him. He had no control over me. He could tell himself he was the King of Gotham City, but I knew he was just a deluded madman.

I took pictures in front of the large mirror and as soon as I had sent them to Hailey's phone she called me.

"Harleen!"

"What do ya think?"

She giggled. "Honey, it's _very_ provocative."

"I know." I said as I readjusted the mask. "That's the point."

"Mr. J won't see you, you know."

"I know." I grabbed my keys and purse and headed for the door, grabbing my leather jacket. "But a lot of other men will and I'll be damned if any of them say no."

"Harley, this is amazing." Hailey laughed. "I'm a bit jealous of you."

"You should join me." The door closed behind me. "I'm going to _Wonderland _that's where the masquerade party is."

"I can't, Harleen."

I stopped in my tracks. The distance in her usually cheerful voice and the fact that she was calling me Harleen made me uneasy.

"Oh, ok."

"It's just not possible."

"Hailey, I don't even know what you look like, you know. You could send me a picture some time."

"Harleen! Get off my case!" She snapped and I jumped at her loud voice. "I don't want to!"

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." She said rather quickly. "Have fun tonight, ok? _Lots_ of fun."

"I will." I deserved it. "Listen, if you ever wanna talk about anything–"

"Sure." She interrupted. "I'll call you, I know the drill, Harley-Baby."

Hailey hung up.

I stood in the crowded street, ignoring the looks of passengers and briefly drowning in a sense of loneliness.

_Mr. J won't see you, you know._ Haileys voice rang through my mind.

I missed her. I wanted to see her and talk to her in real life. And I missed him. I missed him more than I'd ever admit to anyone else but myself.

He wouldn't see me, but he'd probably hear about it.

All of Gotham would hear about it.

_Wonderland_ was a luxurious club. There were chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, colorful fairie lights decorated the walls. The music was upbeat pop and the crowd was full of masked faces. Some women were wearing elaborate dresses, others showed more skin, like me. I was drawn to the dance floor immediately.

The crowd of dancing people parted for me and a man with green hair turned around to face me. His mask covered the upper half of his face. He was wearing a purple suit, with a long purple coat and green shirt. When he smiled his metallic teeth flashed in the colorful lights.

I was speechless and he held out his hand for me to take.

"What?" I whispered and he chuckled, pulling me close.

Mr. J didn't talk. He swirled me around and I let him. A smile spread on my lips as I felt my own excitement stir.

"How did you do this?"

It was wrong I knew that, I knew I ought to call the authorities. He had escaped Arkham.

The Joker smiled and pulled me closer again. He seemed taller somehow, but maybe it was the setting. Maybe it was the freedom.

Light from the chandeliers flickered across his face and that's when I saw his eyes. They were blue, but they were very dark. And the wrong shape. This wasn't Mr. J.

The shock must have been written in my face, because the man dressed as the Joker chuckled and danced away into the crowd.

My heart sank. I knew Mr. J would be laughing at me all the way from the insane asylum. All of Arkham would be laughing at me, more than they already were at this point anyway.

I turned away, ready to leave and bumped right into a man in a three-piece suit, with white gloves, a large flower on his chest and a purple walking cane. His hair was green, his teeth metallic, his purple mask covering the left side of his face. He was too tall also, but he bowed slightly with a smile that made me laugh. This Joker took his walking cane and threw it into the cheering crowd. Then he proceeded to dance around me, skipping around me in circles and rowing his arms enthusiastically. I laughed until I cried. He bowed and kissed my hand.

The next Joker came to the dance-floor. This one was shirtless and wore familiar dark-blue pants with Arkham printed on the side. His hair was green and the right length and his teeth metallic. His eyes were brown and he made me laugh as he whirled me around, around and around until he pushed me into yet another green-haired mans arms.

He was fully dressed, a shiny silver jacket, with a matching silver tie. Underneath a dark red shirt and black pants. His arms were around me, a strong grip, but gentle in its nature. The upper side of his face was hidden by a silver mask with red patterns on it. He looked so put together, so well ironed and when I looked up at him, I didn't recognize him by his eye color.

It was the vulnerability in his eyes. The way he didn't swirl me around for fun, but had a certain insecurity in his movements. He wanted to impress me.

Smiling I reached up to touch his face.

He was here. All of this was real.

Mr. J backed away. Pulling me with him. The crowd parted for him immediately like he was royalty and I supposed he was in his own way.

He led me further to the back of the club. The music was quieter here. Almost like a soft background. Mr. J led me to the bar and I sat down, surprising myself with a giggle.

"What do you want?" He asked and his low voice shivers down my spine in a good way.

"Vodka Tonic."

He nodded towards the bartender. A tall man with dark hair. Without a word or any further instruction he prepared two drinks for us and set them down. Then he left.

I looked at the crowd.

"You instructed all of this?" I wasn't really looking for an answer, but he nodded anyway and sat down beside me. He reached for his glass and held it out towards me so we could clink our glasses.

"You wrote the invitation."

He didn't reply.

"You..." I gripped the cold glass and took a slip. "How did you know I'd be here?"

"I can't tell you all of my secrets in one evening, can I, Darling?" Mr. J leaned in closer, but he didn't touch me.

My heart was racing in my chest and I drank some more.

"Nobody dances sober." I said and set the glass down. "But I did. So that theory was disproved"

A smile appeared on his face, lightening up his face. "That's only half of the quote." He leaned in closer and I could feel his breath on my face. "_Nemo enim fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit_." Mr. J reached out to twirl one of my curls between his finger. He did this skilfully, almost artfully. Then he leaned forward, brushing my ear with his lip in the lightest touch. "Nobody dances sober, _unless he happens to be insane._"

"Are you saying I'm insane?"

His smile was charming. "Takes one to know one."

I couldn't help it and had to laugh. I slid off the bar- stool, spinning around so he could see my short outfit from all sides.

"So what do you think?"

Mr. J actually laughed. "It's not exactly fitting for a ball, is it?"

Again I had to giggle. "Hailey said it was provocative."

Confusion shown in his face. "Who's Hailey?"

"Oh." I wasn't supposed to tell him this kind of information, but we were crossing all sorts of lines anyway. "The best friend I told you about."

Mr. J frowned. His confusion made me insecure and I was swept by a wave of tiredness all of a sudden. The drink, I thought. My glass was empty and I couldn't remember when I'd last eaten.

He was watching me, as he sipped his drink. Finally he leaned forward and smiled at me. It was a genuine smile, one I'd never seen on his face before.

"So, Darling, what's your name?"

I faltered. His eyes were blue, but he was still wearing his silver mask. I couldn't be absolutely sure.

My cheeks flushed red.

This wasn't him.

Disappointed flooded through me. It was as if I had opened a door in the depths of my soul and all of my hopes and dreams came flooding out, crushing through the very center of my being. One thought repeating over and over again:

_He doesn't care about you the same way as you care about him._

Whatever this was, the different Jokers, the masks...it was a game to him. It always had been.

"Miss?"

Oh no. I was going to cry. I turned around, stumbling slightly. The alcohol was clouding my mind. Making me dizzy.

_He doesn't care about you the same way as you care about him._

The joke was on me I knew it. Everyone at Arkham knew it. Probably everyone in Gotham.

I rushed outside. Too whirled up to feel cold. Tears were streaming freely now.

_Stupid girl_, I thought to myself. _Stupid, _stupid_ girl. _

Outside I tore of my mask. I was done with this. All of this.

As of tomorrow I was reassigning. This, whatever it was, was over. I was done. I had reached my breaking point and I was finished with this man.

A whistling sound made me turn around. There he stood in his silver suit. I stood there captivated and I wanted it to be him so badly. I wanted him to be a sane guy and me to be an unbroken girl and I wanted us to have met under met under normal circumstances.

We stepped closer to each other and again our eyes met. He was no longer wearing his mask. It was him. Somehow he was here.

All words had left me. I didn't know what to say. But it didn't matter because Mr. J, the real Mr. J, _my_ Mr. J stepped forward and pressed his lips against mine.

Fireworks erupted inside of me at this touch, however light it was at the moment. Like a moth to a flame I was drawn to him. He pulled me closer and his hands on my naked skin sent all sorts of feelings through me.

I was not done. This was not over. Game or no game...I was in. I was head over heels absolutely in this situation and as I wrapped my arms around him I held on for life, because his kiss made my knees so weak.

This would end badly, of course it would, but as I melted in his arms I realized the one thing Hailey had been trying to explain to me all this time:

I was in love with him.

Admitting that made me free and it was the freedom I searched and longed for more than anything else. I was done pretending. I was in love with him and I was not prepared to fight it any longer.

During the kiss I heard him chuckle and I had to giggle too. Of course we were protected by darkness, but still; in every way possible I had taken off my mask and the amazing thing was: He had done so too.

* * *

Anyone else a fan of Latin?


End file.
